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What are our most precious cravings? A huge load of freakin’ passion in the execution! This is, after all, supposed to be the manliest and most macho of all metal genres!Īnd we are awarded? No. I liked his rolling R’s at first, they made me chuckle a few times, but they get a little tiresome at length. He’s not got much power, he’s off pitch at times, and apparently, he’s got no control of his breath support, as his tone falters quite often. What do we get? A raspy singer who doesn’t suck too fucking bad but he’d be better off taking some vocal technique lessons. What more do we need? A charismatic vocalist with a clear, strong voice. Singing about Auschwitz and Nazis doesn’t make you unique. Only the die-hard fans can call this catchy – the quality of all melodies, riffs, song structures, build-ups etc is so sub-par, it’s frightening to think of the fact that this is not a teenage demo band taking their first tentative steps at making their very own Teutonic metal songs in honor of their heroes. What does Sabaton give us? Stale, dorky, stompy anthems that hold no value whatsoever and bring absolutely nothing new to the table. What do we want? Good memorable songs that don’t rip off a gazillion other bands. What these examples of fine power metal have that Sabaton doesn't, is… well, everything. I love some Helloween albums, Rhapsody’s first has some good tunes, Blind Guardian’s “Nightfall in Middle-Earth” is one of my all-time favorite albums etc.

Actually, I might be a little too harsh on the inseminators – they actually serve a purpose. You know, a blend of a) total lack of any odor, emotion or feeling and b) pure, fresh beast vagina.

And I’m not talking good plastic like the one used in fake boobs or rubber dildos, I’m talking sterile fucking plain and boring plastic of which catheters used in cattle inseminators are made. If plastic would have a soundtrack, it would be this. Why is this kind of idiotic thing occupying my, even as it is, crowded mind? Well… I’m supposed to write a review about Swedish war *cough* metal *snicker* battalion *shart* Sabaton’s new album.

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